I've been missing your babes and finally jumping back into the magical land of Mischievous Goddess! After my last painful newsletter, I felt it important to follow up ...
A girlfriend (and mom) and I went out for a few drinks the other night. I told her that although I am going through extensive testing to try to find out why I had (now three) pregnancy problems leading to losses, my instinct is that it's a case of "dodgy eggs and bad luck" - which she seemed to find tremendously amusing ...!
We are hoping to go a holistic route, but may end up trying IVF.
It has been a month with lots of crying. More reading than I can shake a stick at. Spiritual books, egg books, healing books …
We bought a water filter, air cleansing system, threw out all plastic and toxic chemicals. Our home smells like vinegar and lavender oil.
I went to healers, shamans, massage and acupuncturists. I painted pictures of my uterus. I turned the baby room into a Womb Room – and covered it with crystals and candles and affirmations … and the uterus paintings. I've been chanting to my spirit babies and drinking rose tea. Talking to my own mum everyday. Demanding hugs from Michael, and kisses on the forehead.
I didn’t leave the Womb Room for three weeks.
Slowly I’ve been shedding the seven pounds I put on while pregnant.
I tried yoni eggs, and yoni steams.
And wore a lot of white.
Yoga every day. Running eight miles at a time. Anything to make the day better. Wine. Chocolate. Slept in until ten. It’s getting better. The light is rising.
And the surprising thing that got me through it more than anything else?
I needed answers and support and understanding from women who knew to the core what I was experiencing. Complete strangers, who I met on Facebook and through my clients, talked with me on the phone about their experiences. How to cope, what to do, who to see. Radical empathy, compassion, generosity.
Turns out motherhood is a rite of passage that unlocks the door to a secret mom-world that only moms know about. A fierce bunch of goddesses who would kill for their children and fight for mine too. Even my unborn ones … even the children in my imagination and dreams.
With all this passion and protection and determination and love, I wondered why moms didn’t rule the planet ... and then I realized they do. Moms raise and teach the next generation. It is the moms who are our future.
This one is for the mighty moms: thank you thank you thank you.